Did I drive you away?

Coldplay has consistently been my go to music for long commutes, road trips and late night cruises. I’ve cried oceans of tears to this track alone over the years because it echoes my own heartfelt sentiments. Whenever I want to evoke deep emotions over the present, future or past, I play “sparks” and allow myself to come undone.

I find myself making excuses to get away on late nights like these to take that long drive down Pecos road and let the tears fall. Alone, I make my way thru the dark searching for clarity and resolutions. I guess I mostly prefer this dark route because of the barely there street lights. The darkness makes it easy to hide all my sadness. Millions of bright stars light up the night sky the further I continue to venture out. Sometimes I find myself lost in daydreams of the past or get caught up in fantasizes of the future. Either way, I’m always tempted to run away to places where no one knows me at all.

The mystery of the unexplored road always has me wondering if there is something or someone still out there searching for me or waiting to be found. The wanderlust within me grows the further and further away i get from the city, closer to the base of the mountains. The need to escape seems overwhelmingly strong on nights like tonight. Like many of the male disappointments in my life, the disarming road comes abruptly to a dead end, leaving me abandoned in utter darkness and despair.

The knowledge of this should probably stop me from continuing to take this gloomy drive, but I’ve come to see that it’s probably the best metaphor for how I view love and relationships in life. Understanding that all circumstances are temporary and that we are all dispensable, gives me the courage to fall in love wholeheartedly with every single soul and moment God sends my way.

The last time I took my drive down Pecos I saw the beginnings of construction taking place to expand the freeway. The realization of losing this space made me feel a profound ache in my heart, but I understand change and growth are just another part of being alive. One day I know my special place will become filled with the hustle and bustle of city life and the road that hid my tears with darkness will be lit up by endless freeway lights. I know the way this road used to make me feel will soon be a memory of the past. I know I’ll take this drive when all is said and done and reminisce on the nights I found sanctuary driving down these barren streets. I’ll play this song and feel the bittersweet sting of closure, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt..

I saw sparks.