1. Showering in the rain. I’ve danced, played, ran and sat in the rain, but my favorite by far is bathing in it. And yes, I mean fully nude, in the comfort of my own home, of course. It really is such a liberating experience. If you haven’t already, you should try it. You’re welcome in advance.
2. New fragrance. New man…I am constantly changing fragrances but after a fall out or break up with a person of the opposite sex, I ALWAYS change my perfume. Sometimes I’ll go back and re-use them, but it’s a rarity. For me, scent is everything and it’s what ties all my memories together. So, if I wore a certain fragrance with or around you AFTER our falling out, just know that it was completely intentional. I’m trying to ruin your life the same way you ruined mine.😜
3. “New Hair” equates to big life changes.
This ties into the fact right above about changing fragrances after a fall out or break up. I’ve had my hair red like Rihanna, blonde like Britney, brunette like Jlo and jet black like Aaliyah. Whether I cut it, dye it, get highlights, get extensions or all over color, the fact remains the same; if my hair has changed in any way, so have my feelings over your importance in my life. I’m in the process of getting over it and you.
4. My obsession with Butterflies
Most people don’t know this, but the name “Vanessa” actually means “butterfly” in Greek. I also love the symbolism of what they represent. Their metamorphosis is incredible because they start out as something small that is often overlooked, and then transform into something beautiful that is constantly looked over. It’s truly amazing. Anyone that knows me associates them with me and that makes me happy. I’ve told my family that the day I’m buried I want hundreds of them released. Death is just another metamorphosis of this life into the vastness of eternity, is it not?
5. I talk to the man in the moon. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember. In my mind, he is the ideal and perfect man, the total manifestation of all my desires and dreams. He’s the one person besides God and Dymalski that knows me best. It’s probably why every other man falls short in comparison to this man in my mind. My imagination is always better than reality.
6. Misconceptions over puberty as a child.
I remember thinking at the age of 5yrs old that once I got older that I’d change internally once I grew up. Everything from my body, to how I filter emotions, my way of thinking and processing feelings was going to evolve. I literally thought I’d transform into an entirely different person with a new personality. In many ways I liked the idea of it, I gladly welcomed it. It made me feel excitement and anticipation for the future. I still love change.
7. Paying a visit to the past. I always make it a point to practice this habit of remembering how far I’ve come by going back to the places I’ve been. I randomly drive by and sometimes park in front of old homes or apartments I used to live in from different time periods of my life to remind myself to stay focused on the future. Be it good or bad feelings that come up, I embrace them. Even after the darkest storms there is a promise of a rainbow at the end.
8. I had a near death experience which was traumatizing and extremely painful. Death is ugly. I don’t care what anyone says. When the lights start to dim in this life and you begin to fade out into the silence, your mind becomes paralyzed by its own fear. And it’s true what they say. Hearing is the last thing to go. I almost died during childbirth. My firstborn son literally took the life right out of me. I was 19 years old when I had him. I lost half of my blood due to other complications I had while pregnant. My father ended up donating two bags of his blood and I underwent a blood transfusion. It is true when they say “life is in the blood” because without it I was lifeless, and immediately following the transfusion I was brought back to life. I was taken in on a stretcher and left walking out completely healed.
9. I am a true empath. I am an emotional sponge and I absorb any and all feelings around me. I am hypersensitive and intuitive. It’s a blessing and a curse to feel so much. I’m always one of two extremes; completely invested or totally indifferent. I don’t do neutral.
10. Secret diaries. Ive written in journals ever since I could read and write. I’ve kept all of them over the years. But as much as I write, I never have finished one. I think this could be a perfect metaphor for my life. Also I never go back and read them again. Some secrets are better left sealed.
11. I’m a girl in love with love. My first boyfriend was Rance in Kindergarten. The first boy to ever say “I love you” to my face said it when I was in 4th grade. He had written me a poem and gave it to me on the playground. I had stopped liking him weeks prior, but I stayed his “girlfriend” for another few months after his sweet admission. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I told him my parents found out about him and that I had to end it. I was a douchebag because a week later I was “dating” his cousin. Every year after, I had a new boyfriend and best friend. Even then, I got bored easily. This pattern followed me until I graduated from high school.
12. Bring on the underdogs, loners, weirdos, black sheep and outcasts! I am drawn to eccentric people. The more eccentric the better.
13. If I could have a superpower I’d have the ability to fly or be able to breathe under water. Clearly I’m an extremist of sorts.
14. I am a very sexual person. I think as women it’s harder to maneuver through sexuality and what society expects us to be like regarding this. I’m pretty blunt and open when the topic comes up. Whether it’s my parent’s, my boyfriend or friends, I’m straight up when it comes to the birds and the bees.
15. I’ve always been obsessed with vampires and mermaids. I like the fables and legends behind them. Wouldn’t you like eternal youth, immortality, enchanting beauty, super strength or a hypnotic voice?…I do.
16. I am a collector of beautiful things and people. No need to elaborate on that. I think it’s pretty straight forward.
17. I’m a Lover of dark people, places and things. I like twisted poets and abstract art. I don’t usually like to share this part of myself with just anyone because they don’t always get it, but I admire artists and writers daring enough to explore the darker sides of their creativity. Artists like Dali, Van Gogh and Kahlo, showed their versatility by revealing both light and dark aspects of their talents and personalities. As far as writers and poets, I love Edgar Allan Poe, Robert Frost, Lang Leav and Pablo Neruda. Talent isn’t perfect but you can always find beauty in it. I love to read. I adore reading any and everything. Poetry and memoirs are my favorite.
18. I hate ALL carbonated drinks. I prefer my soda and beer flat. Crazy? I know. But I put enough pressure on myself as it is, I don’t need any additional pressure from my damn drinks.
19. I have dual citizenship. Be jealous.
Mexican dual citizenship can be obtained by anyone that was born in the United States of America to Mexican born parents. My dad is from Mexico and my mother is from Phoenix.
20. I’m an avid people watcher. People watching at the park, beach, restaurants, bars and bookstores is my favorite thing to do when I’m off by myself. It also ties into my love of traveling. I adore Seeing another persons way of life from their perspective. I’ve always been an observer of people, habits and patterns of behavior. I don’t care what you do. I just wanna know why you do it.
21. I’d rather go nude. I sleep naked and when I’m home alone, I prefer to be without clothes. If I’m wearing clothes, often times I’ll go without bras or underwear. I guess you could say I hate restrictions, literally and figuratively.
22. I must have been a witch in a past life, I swear. I’m naturally drawn to the supernatural, astrology and the occult. If I wasn’t raised by a Pentecostal pastor I’d be a practicing clairvoyant, living a gypsy lifestyle.
23. I play dumb on purpose. I know more than I often lead on. I have access to any and all information due to my extensive network of friends and family. From police enforcement to lawyers, to doctors, bank heads, creditors, MVD reps and techy professionals. I can literally find out anything about anyone I want to. That’s why I don’t mind it when people underestimate me. You wouldn’t mind either if you could see the cards I’m holding.
24. I relate everything in life to music. It often inspires what I write and how I write. Music is the one thing I could never live without. Music is my therapy. Music is everything to me. I’d go blind before going deaf. My taste in music is super eclectic as well. I can go from listening to Tupac to playing praise and worship to Elvis followed by Shakira then Fleetwood Mac. The genre of music I play at any given time is always a reflection of my mood in that moment.
25. I find androgynous people extremely attractive. Especially androgynous men. A man able to convey the perfect balance of masculinity and femininity in appearance is hard to come by. Think people like, Ruby Rose, Prince, Bowie, Michael Jackson, Beck Holladay, Jared Leto, Erika Linder. With Make up or no make up these people have a unique appeal to them.
26. I shave EVERYDAY because body hair is gross to me. I did this even when I was getting ready to head to the hospital when I was having both babies. If it’s not on my head or my eyelashes, it’s gotta go. Period.
27. I’m a night owl due to my on and off struggles with insomnia. For this reason I can’t stand morning people. Don’t try to have a real discussion with me before 11am. My brain still isn’t up.
28. There’s only one man that I fully trust and it’s not my dad or anyone related to me. In fact we’ve never even dated but he’s by far one of the best guys I’ve ever known and I can tell him any and everything. I trust him explicitly.
29. I have 4 sisters and brother. All of us including my parents have our own birthday month. So August thru January we have someone to celebrate.
30. I need my coffee fix. My absolute favorite coffee ever is Gloria Jeans. Sadly they are only found on the west coast. I settle for Starbucks out of convenience but my preference here in Az is Peixoto, followed by Dutch brothers and The Coffee bean & tea leaf.
31. Eventually I plan to move to California. I haven’t already because of timing, but were it up to me, I would’ve already left a long time ago.
32. Animals and children have always been drawn to me. The feeling is mutual. I’ve always said you can tell a lot about a person who is or isn’t liked by animals or kids.
33. I eloped to Vegas at 19 and was married to my first everything for over 10 years. He made me a mother by 20 and then again at 24. And by the age of 29 I was divorced. And no, before you even think to ask, I don’t regret any of it.
34. I’ve had many romantic gestures done for me throughout the years but my absolute favorite was being serenaded by acoustic guitar in bed by an ex. He sang a song I’d never heard before which was great because it took away the cliche element of the moment. He didn’t know it was the one thing I always dreamed of having a man do for me. It’s happened again since, but nothing compares to that first time.
35. I’m 5’2 and a half. I weigh 125lbs, I have a 27 inch waist and wear a C- cup bra.
36. I hoard letters and birthday cards given to me. I value words more than gifts. Things come and go but words are forever.
37. I hate airplanes, jets, helicopters etc. I love the convenience of them but I absolutely loathe flying. I get super anxious and feel claustrophobic on planes. I think it’s more so not having control over anything that terrifies me most. I’m entrusting my life to someone and something else. And I know the statistics about it being safer to fly than drive..and blah blah blah..but I still despise it.
38. Tattoos. I have 6 tattoos on random places of my body. I don’t regret any one of them and they all bare meaningful significance to me.
39. Some people have a set favorite color but I don’t. I seem to go through phases when I’m more attracted to one over all the others. For the last 3 years it’s been red. I think it speaks volumes about time periods of my life.
40. I don’t really care for expensive jewelry. I’ve been gifted with some incredible pieces throughout my life but I actually prefer costume jewelry over real jewelry. I’ve always had bad luck either breaking it, losing it or having it stolen. My collection of costume jewelry is ridiculous. I don’t have enough room for most of it anymore.
41. I have dozens of nicknames. Whether it’s family or friends, everyone calls me something different. I hate being called by my name by those that know me best. It’s just condescending to me. Like you don’t need to say my name, Carole. I know you’re speaking to me. I’m the only one in the room.
42. I used to bite my nails. Like, really really bad. It was a really destructive habit due to stress and anxiety. I would bite them to the point that they often bled. In order to stop it, I religiously get my acrylic nails done every two weeks. I still find myself putting hand to mouth, but at least I can’t bite them anymore.
43. I struggled with self harming after my divorce/ falling out with a friend a couple years ago. Honestly, I still struggle with cutting but I’m proud to say that I haven’t self harmed in a really long time. It was pretty bad. It came to to a screeching hault the night my best friend walked in on me after I had cut myself, and there was blood everywhere. The look of shock, fear and pain on her face was enough to shake me. That moment was my wake up call and I decided I had hurt enough for others that didn’t care, and I was only hurting those that care for me now. I chose to believe that Jesus’ blood was enough to cover a multitude of sins, so I concluded He didn’t need me to shed anymore of mine.
44. Dual personality. Most people see me as a very outgoing and social person but I also have another side to me that is shy, reserved and withdrawn. I actually prefer being alone rather than being with a bunch of people.
45. I have a journal that my best Friend and I write in and exchange with each other every time we visit. She’s in a different state so it’s a nice thing to have when you wanna talk about things on your mind that you aren’t ready to talk out loud about yet. If that makes sense?
46. I have a bedtime ritual that takes me at least 20mins every night. No matter how tired, sick or intoxicated I may be, I always do it. What’s that all entail?..I’ll save that for another post..
47. I’m weird about always wanting numbers even and having things around me symmetrical. It drives me crazy when it isn’t. I’m OCD about it for sure.
48. I don’t trust people in general but I especially don’t trust men that wear socks or shirts to bed. I feel like they always have something to hide. This of course coming from the girl who prefers to sleep naked.
48. Dark hair, light eyes and olive skin are the physical traits I find most attractive. It’s just the way I’m wired.
49. I think people that get annoyed with the noises others make when they chew or swallow are the most ANAL people ever!! I’ve found only 2 exceptions to this rule, the rest need to remove the stick from up their pretentious asses and check themselves for annoying habits their guilty of as well. This may come as a shock to you, but everyone makes noises when they eat, even you. It’s completely normal.
50. I know within the first few minutes of meeting someone whether or not we’re gonna click. It’s not a judgment thing, it’s a vibe thing. Either we connect on some level or we don’t.
51. I’m terrible with names, like seriously horrible. I can meet someone and within seconds forget their name. It’s strange how I can’t retain names, but I never forget a face.
52. I give everyone a nickname. If you don’t know yours it’s intentional. You don’t know it, but I can promise you, I’ve given you one.
53. I’m a dog person. Unless it’s a tiny kitten, then I don’t want anything to do with it.
54. I like to put milk in my ice cream when I eat a bowl of it at home because it makes me super thirsty.
55. I have many boxes and drawers full of make up that I have categorized by the parts of the face each product is used for. I’m a make up junkie and borderline hoarder when it comes to that.
56. My first language was Spanish. I didn’t speak English until right before starting school.
57. I like to do hour long cardio sessions or longer at the gym. I can completely zone out while getting a deeper understanding on things. I feel like I get my best ideas while on the elliptical.
58. I’m particular about how I like my ice. If I’m drinking whiskey or any other alcohol on the rocks it’s gotta be the big cubes. If I’m drinking water I don’t want ice. If I’m drinking soda I prefer the ice pellets. And yes I’m specific about the brand. I buy my ice from sonic. It’s the best.
59. My dream job as a child was always to be a singer. I used to sneak off to my room and sing my little heart out. When I was 13, my family and I went on a road trip and as we drove in the middle of the night I found myself singing along to my fathers music. That was the first time he heard me sing and it was also the first time I let anyone hear me. The next day I woke up to my father setting up mics, stands and cords. He bought us accompaniment tracks and told us we were set to sing in church that following Sunday. That was the first practice my sisters and I had as a Christian girl group he lovingly named “Torah.” First five books of the Bible to represent the five little girls in the group. We went on to record an album and sing at different churches and festivals for the next 6 years. As tough as things got, I have to say it was the happiest times of my life.
60. My sisters call me a “sniffer” cuz I smell everything…Food, drinks, clothing, people, things.. whatever comes near me. I can also smell out a cavity. Sounds weird but there’s a distinct scent to certain sicknesses, diseases and viruses in the body.
61. My first car was a green convertible mustang. I got it as a gift after I graduated from high school. I didn’t even ask for a car and had no interest in having one because of the added cost and responsibility, but my dad surprised me with it anyway. He took me to the car lot to test drive a few cars and asked which one I wanted and I picked that one. I drove that thing off the lot and straight to my best friends house for a joy ride that lasted all night. I drove anywhere and everywhere and I’ll always got there with the top down.
62. I knocked over a motorcycle in a movie theatre parking lot because i believed it belonged to my sister’s shitty ex-boyfriend. He had done her dirty and I guess my sisterly nature kicked in, literally. #sorryiaintsorry 🍋
63. I used to be a huge Phoenix Suns fan. I followed everything having to do with my NBA team as a young girl, but after they lost to the Chicago bulls aka Michael Jordan, I was so heartbroken that I never was into any sports teams ever again.
64. I’ve been in 3 car accidents, all of which were not my fault. I know everyone says that but it’s true. I got rear ended each time. The last time was two days ago and my car was totaled. I’ve dodged death yet again. I’m just happy I’m alive because my injuries could’ve been much worse.
65. I don’t like sour, tart or hard candies. I hate dark chocolate too. I’m simple with my sweets. Chocolate chip, vanilla or milk chocolate is just fine by me.
66. My favorite sodas are Dr. Pepper and Pepsi. I don’t do diet or root beer.
67. The only sweetener I use is sweet n’ low. I don’t like anything else and yes, I heard it causes cancer.
68. I keep my fan on high year round. I can’t sleep without my artificial air. People think I’m crazy but I need my bedroom pitch black, silent and freezing cold to be able to sleep.
69. I’ve been sleeping alone for almost 4 years now but I still only sleep on “my side” of the bed. Which if you’re facing my bed, it’s the left side. I have 10 pillows currently on it, but only use 4 pillows to sleep with each night. I’m bad and bougie in that way, I guess.
70. I wear a night guard every night. I’m a worrier and it affects me even in my sleep because apparently I grind my teeth due to stress. Hot fact, I know.
71. Here’s a fun question to ask yourself or others around you, “If I had to bury a body how many people would help me bury it?”..well for me I have over a handful of people that I could go to that would help me, no questions asked. Not many people can say the same. Can you? I’m blessed with incredibly loyal people that love me more than I deserve. Crazy asses. 😂
72. I’ve dreamt of heaven and hell in extreme detail. Both dreams left me heavily depressed and overwhelmingly emotional. One day I’ll write about it all and share it with the world but for now, “I keep my visions to myself”
73. I’ve attended over two dozens funerals in my life. And most were people I had close relationships with. It’s more than most will witness in their lifetime. I’ve sang, spoken and eulogized many of them. The hardest was my best friend’s funeral in 2007. I helped them do her hair and make up. Then I wrote and read her eulogy at her funeral service.
74. I’ve met Abraham Quintanilla, the father of the beloved tejano star, Selena. We took a trip to Corpus Christie, as a family to visit the singers museum and gravesite. My dad introduced us then slipped him our album and tried to convince him to sign us. Abraham wasn’t into marketing Christian music and thought us too young for a record label contract. I was 14 or 15 at the time, my youngest sister was 7. Mr. Quintanilla was probably right. Still, it was a pretty cool experience.
75. I hate anything grape flavored. Drinks, medicine or candy. It’s nasty and reminds me of when I was sick as a kid and I had to drink cough syrup or dimetap.
76. I still wish on shooting stars..even if science says their actually just dust and rocks.
77. I’ve been heartbroken more times than I can count but somehow I’m always able to rise above it and love in spite of it.
78. I’ve fallen in love more times than I’ll ever admit to.
79. Wrinkled shirts on men drive me crazy! Just give it to me and let me iron it!
80. I play favorites. Anyone who says they don’t is a liar.
81. Gay men love me and I adore them. I feel most comfortable talking about anything with gay men. Plus they have the best opinions on men, fashion and music. I’m all about living YOUR truth not MINE.
82. Sade is baby making music. Don’t argue with me on this.
83. If it sparkles or shines..I want it. Whether it’s food, people or clothes, I don’t care.
84. I’m super impulsive as a person, but when it comes to making a serious decision I’m the kind of woman that stays set in her ways. If I leave I’m gone and I’ll never come back. I promise. Just ask any of my exes.
85. When I was younger I attracted older men and now that I’m older I attract the younger guys. This will probably piss off a lot of people…but I feel like now, when it comes to having something real or long lasting, my preference would be an older man. I’ve learned that men under 30 are still too immature, fickle and inconsistent. They rarely have enough life experience or knowledge to know how to build a stable foundation based on fidelity and trust.
86. I am the first to apologize..every time for everything..and I openly admit it. I value people more than I value my pride or being right.
87. I love to cook. I prefer being left alone to do it so I can listen to oldies while making up the recipes as I go.
88. I like to strike up conversations with strangers while I’m on vacation in new or different places and talk about deeply personal subjects. I find it rather eye opening to hear the opinions of people who have no emotional attachments or investment in me, my issues or situations. Strangers can be 100% honest with you because they have no reason to lie or make judgments about you. And if they do, you never have to worry about seeing them again.
89. I hate shopping malls or overcrowded department stores, but I can spend hours in a bookstore, or vintage thrift shop.
90. I hate scary movies. Really, I just hate being scared. Also I can’t handle rape scenes or scenes where animals or children are being abused. Movies today take it way too far.
91. I’m an organ donor. I’ve witnessed the benefits for other families and I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be part of that.
92. I don’t watch the news. I stopped over a decade ago because I found the media to be too corrupt and full of negativity. All it ever did was depress me. And honestly, anything of real importance can be found in the paper.
93. My zodiac sign is libra and according to astrology, it is considered a masculine and Cardinal sign. My element is air. My October birthstone is Opal and Tourmaline, which comes in a rainbow of different colors. In Chinese astrology I was born in the year of the rat.
94. I’ve never had major surgery or broken a bone. *knock on wood*
95. I love museums of art and history. I can spend hours alone admiring each exhibit, or in the company of someone just as appreciative and intrigued as I am.
96. I’m late to everything. I intend to be late to my own funeral. It’ll be written into my will.
97. The first thing I hear in the morning is
also the last thing I hear at night..music.
98. I prefer variety in everything. For example I have 5 different face washes, 4 sets of shampoo and conditioners, 3 razors and 4 body washes currently in my shower.
99. If I could go back to any age I’d choose to go back to 17.
100. I love my two babies more than anything in this world. I’d happily lay down my life for them and fight any battle on their behalf. They are the only thing I did perfectly right in this world and no one will ever treasure, love or protect them as I do. I found my purpose, anchor and greatest love of all in the eyes of my beautiful children. Any blessing after having them is just icing on the cake.