Happy birthday Eli!

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I might hate myself tomorrow but I’m on my way tonight

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Cheap Generic Xanax Known professionally as Avicii or Tim Berg, Tim Bergling is a Swedish DJ, remixer, and record producer born in Stockholm. His single “Bromance” (recorded under name Tim Berg) charted in the top 20 on the national single charts of Belgium, the Netherlands, and his native Sweden.

Where To Buy Lorazepam 1Mg Tim Bergling explains his “Avicii” moniker saying, “Avici is kind of like Dante’s Inferno … it’s the lowest level of hell in Buddhism. A friend of mine told me about it, and it stuck in my head. I was going to make up a name for my MySpace page for the first time, and I just went with it. I had tried a couple of other [names] before, but they were all taken. I ended up with Avicii, and then I got really attached to it.”

http://littlemountainproject.com/tag/documentary-organization-of-canada/ He’s only 28 years old, but already has a net worth of 75 million, all due to his incredible success in just the last five years. After a year long hiatus he’s released Avīci, his six-track EP that was teased only a few weeks before its August 10 release date.

My favorite by far is this collaboration with the amazingly talented, Rita Ora.

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http://littlemountainproject.com/photographs/ ..And an acoustic take is always a must for me! Here’s my favorite cover of the same track!

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October 11th came early this year! 🎂

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I’ve met some pretty incredible people along my journey, especially in the last four years. They have helped mold me into the woman I am today. Some relationships broke me, some inspired me, some drove me to the brink of insanity while others simply dazzled and dizzied me. I’ve learned so much about the human heart, about true unconditional love, even my resilience and unwavering strength. I’m also learning to love and accept myself through all my ups and downs. I’ve made my share of mistakes and paid my dues, but I never stopped loving others in spite of my pain or heartbreaks. These days I’m learning to love what’s good for me.

http://kokannews.org/?p=2130 I am so blessed to be loved so much by so many. I really don’t know what I did to deserve you all.

http://wherewaterfalls.com/blog/?_page\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\u003d5 Thank you to everyone that joined me this past weekend for my early birthday celebrations in California. The memories we made I’ll cherish forever, and to those who couldn’t make it, just know you were there with us in spirit. Here’s to a hundred more inside jokes and stories to tell in the years to come! 🥂

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A war between fact & fiction,We have no time to dispel

Hollywood isn’t a place, it’s a way of life.

“I’m attracted to his glitz and his glamour,
I’m attracted to the lights in his eyes
And once you get a taste of his poison,
you’ll get all wrapped up in his lies..Hollywood, Hollywood, do you have a heart at all?
And is it real? Just let me know
Hollywood, Hollywood, do you give a shit at all?
And do you feel what people feel?
‘Cause there’s a one in a million chance you’ll make it big someday
don’t sell your soul to have what someone had yesterday
Hollywood
Oh, Hollywood…“ – JoJo

A whirlwind of thoughts today, as I anticipate my escape from reality and of getting away to “fill my tank” as my favorite therapist used to say. The more I live the more I realize how different I am in my thinking than most people. The way I express or don’t express thoughts, emotions and feelings, the way I think and piece my “logic” together seems out of date. I’m just not of this time and it’s frustrating. My cousin once told me, Sarah and I express ourselves so “lyrically” and I think it was one of the best compliments I have ever received. Partly because of the way she so eloquently put it, but even more so because of the way she was able to understand me as an entire person with that one statement. I don’t know if she knew how much that connected me to her in that moment. How much I appreciated being seen as I am. You made my day Squeakers.

I woke up ready to sink my barefeet onto the sands of my favorite beach, feeling the exhilarating sea breeze caress my face. I can’t explain the obsession, the awe and wonderment I feel when I think of California, what has become my second home. It has an ongoing mystery that draws me back over and over again. I feel free to be expressive and be myself. There I have nothing but innocent and happy memories of endless summers spent with my sisters under the brilliant Orange County rays. There we associate who we are, with who we long to be and where so many have brought their dreams to life.

If you know me personally you would know of the deep fascination I have with the Old Hollywood. Not for the “celebrity” reasons of fame and fortune but for the stories of the most gifted and yet most trouble men and women of our generation. Ask me about a real icon and I can sit and have hour long conversations with you about their upbringing, their rise to fame and the cause of their demise. My fascination isn’t with the middle as much as it is with the beginning and the end. Because starting the “race” is easy but finishing it being a worthy human being is so much harder. The pressures of being someone in the spotlight are overwhelming and no human being is immune to the lure of the Hollywood lights.

I just finished reading about River Phoenix, Michael Jackson and James Dean. Enormously talented men but undeniably troubled from such a young age. Wanna talk about real pain read the story of Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland, Veronica Lake or Elvis Presley. Dive into what made the “Greats” great and what made them utterly weak…in doing so you become what they never were and have the opportunity to become even greater. Learning from the mistakes of such huge legends helps you understand the human condition. I would’ve enjoyed being a journalist of those times following the careers of the future Princess of Monaco or Clark Gable, to interview such icons as Walt Disney, Audrey Hepburn, Frank Sinatra or Elizabeth Taylor. Those are stories forgotten that should be told. Their voices should not be in vain since they were the pioneers of what the world refers to as celebrity today. Today celebrities get attention for the wrong reasons and they fail to learn the example of what made those before them “great”. You must remain a mystery. You cannot give the world everything; you have to keep the core of who you are for yourself and that small group of people that truly know you.

The past- There is so much to learn from it and be better because of it. We don’t all have to be famous to understand such broken people, we live among them, we are them. I feel compassion for the stories of addicts and misguided people. Raised in destruction what more can you truly expect from them? I understand that there is a reason for everything and a cause for people to search so long to numb their pain. There is so much more to that pretty face you see on Sunset Boulevard. There is a lesson to be learned. They were and are no better than you and I. Maybe more talented, maybe more beautiful, maybe more famous or wealthy, but they bled just like you and I. They hurt more than most and died young because of their destructive nature. Nobody cared enough to try and save them, nobody sees the tragedy in having everything but it truly meaning nothing when you’re all alone. Our culture glorifies celebrities as some supernatural human beings when in reality they are just somebody’s son or daughter, someone’s sister or brother, maybe a wife or husband.

It’s sad that not many young people of our generation have educated themselves with the stories of the past. Aspiring singers who wanna be the next “Drake” or “Beyonce” but have no idea where music originated from, they don’t get that these people were inspired by others that came before them. Talent today isn’t what it used to be. Talent is being original, elusive and true to oneself. Beyonce may be the closest thing out there to the days of old. She doesn’t share her life with the public, she doesn’t gush over her private life to anyone who will listen. That’s a huge reason why everyone is so fascinated with her. Though she’s out there you still feel like you don’t really know her. I love that. Other than that there’s not much left. Anything resembling it has passed away too young, artists like Aaliyah, Michael Jackson, Prince, Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse even Curt Cobain. And that’s just in our generation. This will be the generation to bury the last of the Iconic legends, which is just so sad to me. What will be left?

But again some of you may find my post completely boring and that’s fine. Some may find it interesting and want to talk more about it with me. Either way I’ll always be true to myself and though I share much, I’ll take my cue from the past and remember to keep my deepest thoughts to myself. I’ll remember what made the “Greats” great and honor their memory by learning from their mistakes. I’ll show compassion to those who need it most and try my best to understand what does not come natural that me. Even if their deaths were a tragedy, there’s no reason their lives need to be in vain.

Dream..Dream..Dream

 

For the first time in months, I found myself in the midst of the most amazing dream. I was floating and completely weightless. At first, I wasn’t sure if I was sinking or soaring, but as my eyes followed the ray of sunlight above me, I soon realized I was suspended below the earth in a large body of crystal blue water. I felt at peace, warm and safe which was odd for me, considering my unique circumstances.  In my waking life, I am not the greatest swimmer and although I have a great love for lakes and oceans, my fear of the water has always kept me at a safe distance. Yet there in my dream, it all felt so different. I was confident and happy as I swam deeper towards the soft tan sand below taking in everything around me. Apart from the beauty I saw and felt, I was more in awe of the miraculous ability I now had to breathe underwater. It was exhilarating and euphoric to be free of the fear, the tightness in my chest and just feel enjoy everything around me. With newfound excitement, I began to steal glimpses of my new magical world deep beneath the ocean waters.

I was alone and in a new place I’d never been but I wasn’t afraid. In fact, I felt quite the opposite. I felt true freedom and pure light. With every one of my senses heightened, I took in all the colors, feelings, taste and sounds around me. Somewhere off in the near distance I could hear soothing voices serenading me as I wandered along. The melodies they sang sent a sudden rush of childhood memories over me. I remembered what it felt like sitting beside my mother in the passenger seat of her car, as she lovingly held my hand, as she smiled singing along to the radio. I hummed along to the words “whenever I want you all I have to do, is dream..” I began laughing, twirling and smiling, somehow aware that I was never intended to be here alone. I knew I was waiting for someone but i didn’t know who. All I could focus on was the warmth, happiness, contentment and pure bliss within my spirit in that very moment. I didn’t have a care in the world as I gracefully danced in delicate movements beneath the crashing waves. My arms outstretched in front of me, pulling towards an imaginary partner, knowing he was out there somewhere in the vast unknown reaching back.

The ocean was totally transparent and although I was in deep waters, I could still see the sunlight trail all the way down to the very bottom. I began seeing small fish and other sea life that encompassed me. Instead of feeling fear and anxiety, I found that I had this new established sense of confidence as I reached out to touch some of them and float beside them as they went by. I was smiling as I took everything I was feeling, seeing and hearing in. I didn’t question my existence, whether I was sleeping or awake, I didn’t wonder if I was dead or alive, I just allowed myself to simply live in that very moment. And intuitively, I knew that this experience was given to me for that reason. This was a lesson beautifully wrapped into one divine gift to always remind me to remain in the present and see the beauty in everything around me. I realized that the water I always feared would drown me was also the cleansing water I needed to heal me. My innate draw to the ocean is the same pull I feel towards my own self discovery. Sometimes I dip my feet in, other times I’m completely submerged, but more often than not, I am sitting on the shoreline, gazing out into the distance trying to rationalize its vastness and depth. My fear unwavering but the beauty of the unknown so overpowering, it continues to draw me back over and over again.

I’m not sure how much time had passed but I soon came to realize that the music I was dancing to was beginning to fade. Subconsciously, I knew that it was time to go. I willingly began to make my ascent to the surface, feeling the water change in pressure and temperature. The closer I got, the greater the need for air became. I felt the pressure in my chest as I closed my eyes and propelled myself with all the strength I had left in me left to break the surface. I awoke just as my head made its way above water and half asleep I found myself lying in bed, gasping for air. I laid there for what felt like an eternity, as I took labored breathes, eyes still closed, tears making their way down my cheeks. I wondered if maybe this was my new idea of heaven and what I would do differently if I ever got to go back. I questioned my tears. I thought they came from a happy place of gratitude but instead they flowed from a place of mourning for the unknown soul I’d left behind. Even in my consciousness, I continued to feel the pull from the familiar stranger in the infinite distance, still beckoning me. As the tears subsided I began to feel a strange sense of peace knowing that this faceless stranger would eventually find me within the ever changing tides of time.

Someday I know I’ll make it back to that incredible place and somehow I know that when I do, I won’t be there alone. He’ll be there with me, dancing, in my ocean of pure bliss, beneath the waves, hearing that same melody, holding my hand safe and tight, just like my mother once did. I’ll finally feel safe to explore all the dark places of the ocean I once feared before. I don’t know who he is, but one day I know I will.

Until then.. all I have to do is dream.

 

“Here are some common interpretations and meanings for breathing under water.

Fear is the first emotion to overcome. Many dreamers find themselves in a situation they cannot physically escape and expect that they are going to drown. However, they end up surprised when, not only do they not drown, but they are able to float, walk on the bottom, look around and breathe.

During the experience of going through the drowning, the dreamer instinctually holds his or her breath but also, their body while sleeping also responds. Many dreamers wake themselves before the dream concludes because they have experienced some form of Apnea due to holding their breath because of the fear of drowning. For those who are able to keep going in the dream, and find themselves able to breathe, they are experiencing a release of fear that their subconscious has been holding on to. http://valliscommodities.com/ar/mauritius-subsidiary/feed/ By breathing underwater, the dreamer is learning that they can overcome any obstacle, no matter how destructive it can appear or be on an emotional level. They are given the example that they can breathe a sigh of relief, and that life goes on.”.

Info via:

https://psychology1.knoji.com/breathing-under-water-in-dreams-meanings-and-interpretations/

 

 

The struggle behind loving Marilyn Monroe

“The best of her, she thought was in my eye, therefore the hope she had, was with me..”

Ex husband of the iconic Marilyn Monroe speaks during a rare interview back in the 80’s about his memories of Marilyn and the time they spent together.

Even in death she remains a complete dichotomy of weakness and strength, poverty and wealth, confidence and insecurity. Many would say the allure behind Marilyn Monroe is her undeniable beauty and irresistible charm. I believe the tragedy was her inability to encounter true love and respect until after her untimely death.

It’s unfortunate that the world cannot appreciate such unique souls, until after they are taken from us.