Jaded

http://bethhamiltonphoto.com/engagements My emotions tend to come out in riddles or in misshapen puzzle pieces. They never seem to fit just right, similar to how you and I are these days. Often I find myself forcing the words, the same way I feel I have to force you. In vain, I mourn the loss of dreamy escapism, while cursing the blindness of love with the same lips I once kissed you with.

I feel regret as the night begins to spill into morning. I realize I am right back where I started, just older and in a different place, but still stuck in the same cycle of loving the same kind of man hiding behind a different face. I’ve let the poison from your venom runs its course. I’ll bare the pain in silence as my final act of love as you cower in silence forever. Friends to lovers. Strangers to nothing. Love to indifference.

Why the wrong ones do everything right

http://thesoussegroup.com/1240-scholarship-featured/ “That’s when I finally got it. I finally understood. It wasn’t the thought that counted. It was the actual execution that mattered, the showing up for somebody. The intent behind it wasn’t enough. Not for me. Not anymore. It wasn’t enough to know that deep down, he loved me. You had to actually say it to somebody, show them you cared. And he just didn’t. Not enough.” ― Jenny Han

It has taken me a couple of decades of self evolution to understand what exactly I desire in love and romance. I’ve dated all kinds of guys and had my share of crushes and flings. I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced, I’ve been single, I’ve dated. After all that, I can tell you there’s one thing I know for sure..  “love alone is NOT enough.”

Now before you write me off as some cynical or bitter spinster, hear me out.

First off, love is not something you explain, it is something you experience. For me, love is honest words put into consistent action. If it is true love you won’t have one without the other because one alone is never going to be enough in the long run for anyone. I need both in order to believe and feel another person’s love for me. Anything less than that will always undoubtedly fall short. 

I’ve been in scenarios where I had all actions and no words then I’ve had instances where I had all words and no actions. Both scenarios left me feeling rejected in one way or another, heartbroken, disappointed and feeling deceived because I knew my heart was settling for far less than what it deserved. I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of woman. But It’s time I realize that when a man fails in his expression of love for me it isn’t because I am too much, the reality is that they are not enough for me. Love isn’t complicated. Love is simple. It’s people that complicate things.

Clonazepam To Buy I’ve heard it all. I’ve seen it all. I’ve been loved by good and bad men. I’ve seen the wrong ones get it right because they choose to feel their emotions rather than over think them in those moments that matter most. I’ve also seen the right ones do it wrong because they’re too fearful of the uncertainty of most outcomes. They prefer to play it safe. The “rebels” on the other hand go in for the kiss, they show up on your doorstep, they call to say they miss you, they aren’t afraid to show their affection or make a move. Whatever the case, they let their emotions guide the way and in doing so, it draws people like me in. I have always found openly passionate men incredibly attractive.

http://drumcommodities.com/location/senegal/ Meanwhile the “nice guys” continue to finish last because they seem to lack the courage and strength to be assertive enough to go after what they truly want. In a very twisted way I’d have to say that the wrong ones get it right because they follow their desires and instincts. Even when they may have been twisted or misguided they possess a confidence that naturally intrigues others and keeps them coming back for more..If only I could find that healthy type of balance in a counterpart of my own..

http://thesoussegroup.com/62-new-season-irvine-ca-92602/ Either way I’m choosing to remain open to whatever or whoever may come my way while remaining thankful for all the horrible experiences in the past that have taught me so much about myself. I don’t regret the past but I am ready to move forward and leave it behind. I’m cutting off all people that aren’t living in accordance with their words or practicing what they preach. It’s time I focus on myself and be the love I want to find.

Dream..Dream..Dream

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Buy Phentermine Canadian Pharmacy For the first time in months, I found myself in the midst of the most amazing dream. I was floating and completely weightless. At first, I wasn’t sure if I was sinking or soaring, but as my eyes followed the ray of sunlight above me, I soon realized I was suspended below the earth in a large body of crystal blue water. I felt at peace, warm and safe which was odd for me, considering my unique circumstances.  In my waking life, I am not the greatest swimmer and although I have a great love for lakes and oceans, my fear of the water has always kept me at a safe distance. Yet there in my dream, it all felt so different. I was confident and happy as I swam deeper towards the soft tan sand below taking in everything around me. Apart from the beauty I saw and felt, I was more in awe of the miraculous ability I now had to breathe underwater. It was exhilarating and euphoric to be free of the fear, the tightness in my chest and just feel enjoy everything around me. With newfound excitement, I began to steal glimpses of my new magical world deep beneath the ocean waters.

http://valliscommodities.com/location/mali/ I was alone and in a new place I’d never been but I wasn’t afraid. In fact, I felt quite the opposite. I felt true freedom and pure light. With every one of my senses heightened, I took in all the colors, feelings, taste and sounds around me. Somewhere off in the near distance I could hear soothing voices serenading me as I wandered along. The melodies they sang sent a sudden rush of childhood memories over me. I remembered what it felt like sitting beside my mother in the passenger seat of her car, as she lovingly held my hand, as she smiled singing along to the radio. I hummed along to the words “whenever I want you all I have to do, is dream..” I began laughing, twirling and smiling, somehow aware that I was never intended to be here alone. I knew I was waiting for someone but i didn’t know who. All I could focus on was the warmth, happiness, contentment and pure bliss within my spirit in that very moment. I didn’t have a care in the world as I gracefully danced in delicate movements beneath the crashing waves. My arms outstretched in front of me, pulling towards an imaginary partner, knowing he was out there somewhere in the vast unknown reaching back.

The ocean was totally transparent and although I was in deep waters, I could still see the sunlight trail all the way down to the very bottom. I began seeing small fish and other sea life that encompassed me. Instead of feeling fear and anxiety, I found that I had this new established sense of confidence as I reached out to touch some of them and float beside them as they went by. I was smiling as I took everything I was feeling, seeing and hearing in. I didn’t question my existence, whether I was sleeping or awake, I didn’t wonder if I was dead or alive, I just allowed myself to simply live in that very moment. And intuitively, I knew that this experience was given to me for that reason. This was a lesson beautifully wrapped into one divine gift to always remind me to remain in the present and see the beauty in everything around me. I realized that the water I always feared would drown me was also the cleansing water I needed to heal me. My innate draw to the ocean is the same pull I feel towards my own self discovery. Sometimes I dip my feet in, other times I’m completely submerged, but more often than not, I am sitting on the shoreline, gazing out into the distance trying to rationalize its vastness and depth. My fear unwavering but the beauty of the unknown so overpowering, it continues to draw me back over and over again.

http://bethhamiltonphoto.com/pandora-family-forever-clear-cz-outlet-sale-hamilton-lo30340.html I’m not sure how much time had passed but I soon came to realize that the music I was dancing to was beginning to fade. Subconsciously, I knew that it was time to go. I willingly began to make my ascent to the surface, feeling the water change in pressure and temperature. The closer I got, the greater the need for air became. I felt the pressure in my chest as I closed my eyes and propelled myself with all the strength I had left in me left to break the surface. I awoke just as my head made its way above water and half asleep I found myself lying in bed, gasping for air. I laid there for what felt like an eternity, as I took labored breathes, eyes still closed, tears making their way down my cheeks. I wondered if maybe this was my new idea of heaven and what I would do differently if I ever got to go back. I questioned my tears. I thought they came from a happy place of gratitude but instead they flowed from a place of mourning for the unknown soul I’d left behind. Even in my consciousness, I continued to feel the pull from the familiar stranger in the infinite distance, still beckoning me. As the tears subsided I began to feel a strange sense of peace knowing that this faceless stranger would eventually find me within the ever changing tides of time.

Someday I know I’ll make it back to that incredible place and somehow I know that when I do, I won’t be there alone. He’ll be there with me, dancing, in my ocean of pure bliss, beneath the waves, hearing that same melody, holding my hand safe and tight, just like my mother once did. I’ll finally feel safe to explore all the dark places of the ocean I once feared before. I don’t know who he is, but one day I know I will.

Until then.. all I have to do is dream.

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Buy Soma From Mexico “Here are some common interpretations and meanings for breathing under water.

Order Diazepam India Fear is the first emotion to overcome. Many dreamers find themselves in a situation they cannot physically escape and expect that they are going to drown. However, they end up surprised when, not only do they not drown, but they are able to float, walk on the bottom, look around and breathe.

http://kokannews.org/?p=1530 During the experience of going through the drowning, the dreamer instinctually holds his or her breath but also, their body while sleeping also responds. Many dreamers wake themselves before the dream concludes because they have experienced some form of Apnea due to holding their breath because of the fear of drowning. For those who are able to keep going in the dream, and find themselves able to breathe, they are experiencing a release of fear that their subconscious has been holding on to. By breathing underwater, the dreamer is learning that they can overcome any obstacle, no matter how destructive it can appear or be on an emotional level. They are given the example that they can breathe a sigh of relief, and that life goes on.”.

Info via:

https://psychology1.knoji.com/breathing-under-water-in-dreams-meanings-and-interpretations/

 

 

Engaged👰💎💐💒

I know I said I wouldn’t buut…

Happy to announce that two of my sister’s are now engaged!

My heart is so full knowing how happy they are. I know it’s been a long time coming for them both.

It’s crazy how some things don’t work out and how others do. I’m open and ready for all these new beginnings! Cheers to gaining 2 brothers and a future with more nieces and nephews for me to spoil and love on. 💓💓💓