enter site Words.
http://www.goodlight.it/?bioreresd=il-migliore-autopilot-per-seguire-opzioni-binarie&ea3=98 They have the power to move me in ways I’ve never been able to fully express. Unfortunately, this has been a curse in many ways because I have found myself caught up with people who are amazingly gifted with the ability to lavish words on me but are unable to follow them through with actions. So for me, words are a double edged sword. They give me hope and make me feel loved. They bring me life and freedom but I have also learned the power and advantage in withholding them. How I’m able to do both simultaneously, confuses even me. My head and heart are always saying something different than what my mouth chooses to share.
http://parklane.on.ca/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1514084018.7914190292358398437500 I like my solitude. I guess I like it a little too much because I find myself living through my minds fantasies instead of living in life’s realities. Most of the time I’m bored with people and their mundane conversations about the same irrelevant things that don’t matter. I think this is why I love traveling to new places and having lengthy random conversations with complete strangers. I’m intrigued when I see life happening in other far off places that I’ve never been. I love people watching the locals as they go about their daily lives and I try to imagine what their everyday routines must be like. I sometimes imagine myself being a part of them and even entertain the idea of starting again in a new place I’ve never been, with people I’ve never met. It’s exciting enough to distract me for hours because I find myself imagining a different future, while conjuring up keepsake memories from my past. Head forever in the clouds while my feet stay planted in the ground. Sometimes I drift away and let the wind take me to new places, but my loyalty to home and those I love continually brings me back.
http://www.nvcontractorslicense.com/?prostynlja=cherche-femme-mariage-suisse&7a6=1f Oftentimes, I feel like no one will ever get me completely and really I know it’s my own stupid fault. It’s in my nature to always keep parts of myself hidden. I think it’s the one thing that truly makes me who I am. Even my mom knows not too get too close unless I’ve invited her in. Growing up she understood I had to do things at my pace, on my timing, when I was ready. I couldn’t be forced. You couldn’t get something from me that I wasn’t already willing to give. Intimacy of any kind, scared the living shit out of me then and still does now! Unless I’ve willingly agreed to engage in it, I don’t want anything to do with it. When heavy unwanted emotions have presented themselves, I’ve had the flight reaction. I can’t stand to feel pressured, suffocated, trapped, forced or coerced into anything. I have to be the one to make my own decisions…even if they are wrong.
operare in opzioni binarie It’s not that I am consciously withholding secrets or somehow glorifying their existence, I just never want someone expecting more from me than I am able to give. But I will say, I have come a very long way in last handful of years and I’ve learned to embrace all my positive and negative qualities. I know the things that set me apart from others and the habits that make me just like everyone else. I guess I just like drifting between shallow and deep waters, knowing it is what keeps things interesting and new.
enter site I think I’ll always have a love affair with words and the way they move me. I’ll forever be entranced by those individuals who know how to reach me with with their beautiful verbal expressions. Words wound and words heal. And maybe by acknowledging my shortcomings and concerns aloud, I will discover new ways to grow, renovate and mold myself into the woman I want to become. I accept myself even as a contradiction and I hope those who come to know me will too.
Can you remember that exact moment he walked into your life? You weren’t expecting him but like the wind that gently caresses your cheek, he felt harmless and you let him in. He had a certain air about him and it drew you into his atmosphere even more. Before you knew it, you were free falling from the sky. The adrenaline, intensity and speed thrilled you. After all, all you could see were those beautiful piercing eyes, smell the richness of his cologne and his powerful embrace that somehow made you feel like everything would be alright. You weren’t thinking about the ending or the rock bottom you were eventually going to hit once you reached earth again. Nobody could understand how you felt or where you were coming from, but you didn’t care. The benefits far outweighed the consequences and similar to an addict needing just one more hit, you kept going back. Over and over again you ran back to him, even when you were in the company of another, he took precedents over everything and everyone. He was all you thought about, dreamt of, longed for, needed and saw. He was different and unlike the other guys before him. He was charming, handsome, rebellious, dangerous, smart and witty. He was perceptive and able to understand you without words. It was different with him. He was thrilling, exciting and full of adventure. He could finish your thoughts and somehow read your mind. It was so easy to fall under his spell and give in. But it wasn’t one sided. He was just as obsessed with you, as you were with him. His desire for you was insatiable. He was intense, thoughtful and affectionate doing nothing but placing all his focus and attention solely on you. He wanted to be with you constantly and you loved his passion. His kisses intoxicated you and his touch paralyzed you. There’s nothing you wouldn’t give up for him. He had total control over you and he recognized that right away. In time he began to take full advantage of that, constantly testing your resilience, loyalty and love for him. Soon his sweetness melted away with the summer heat that was only followed by fall leaves, and the bitter cold snow of winter. His countenance changed, his attitude and demeanor shifted but you couldn’t accept the facts. Controlling you was his drug and when it came to using his power over you, he loved to overdose any chance he could get.
You didn’t think it was possible for the attachment to grow or the need to get stronger, but it did. Like any other drug that hooks and reels you in, you built up this insane tolerance. Without him around you’d begin to withdraw immediately and emotionally, too blinded by your weakness, you never sought out any help. He was the one thing that made you feel alive, yet internally he was killing you, destroying your mind and heart from within. You couldn’t see the side effects, but everyone else could. Like gasoline on flames, it’d only be a matter of time before he’d possess and consume you too. Still you didn’t want to hear it, if he was meant to burn, you’d concluded you would too.
Your willingness to love such a damaged man gave him the opportunity to blaze a rocky and tumultuous trail inside of your mind and heart. Just look back and think about it and tell me, do you remember the moment you knew he realized the depth of your love and passion? Can you recall his smile and how it released all the butterflies that had been caged inside you free? Can you remember feeling his quickened breath on your neck and his racing heartbeat against your chest? That very encounter was the moment he passed his flame onto you. Back then it was just an ember, slowly burning until it grew to resemble a flame of a candle. It was a feeling that can’t be put into words, a kind of high that cannot be compared to any other drug, and no other experience in the world could ever be compared to it. The flame that once danced in the palm of your hand, quickly grew to a level you could no longer control. You believed you would savor it and set it someplace that only you would be able to partake of its warmth and beauty, but nothing could’ve been further from the truth. This was the first time he’d burn you, leaving a scar that would leave you numb to the pain and the small flame still burning in your hand.
Overnight that small lit candle turned to raging flames, eager to consume all the oxygen it could, determined to grow with each passing second, ready to destroy anything in its wake. Suddenly you began to notice how his behavior was changing and how he seemed less and less interested in you anymore. Something else was stealing his attention, someone else was his new distraction. His eyes that once sparkled now looked dimmed and each time you sought him out, he just continued to push you away. You didn’t want to believe what the situation was becoming, so instead you tried harder and gave him everything you had left. He controlled your every mood and move. You centered your world around his thoughts and opinions. You became the shell of the woman you once were. And you thought he didn’t notice, but he did. He just didn’t care. When you weren’t around he sought the comfort of other vices or women and the bed you shared became tainted with the evidence of other women who had come and gone before, after and during you. . He also had other vices that he was addicted to and many of them altered his personality, mood and attitude. Every day brought out a new version of him and every night you struggled to find the man you originally fell for. The reality was you were losing him, and every step he took away from you, he was ripping out another piece of your soul. To overcompensate for his shortcomings you made excuses for him and in return he resented you more for it. Where once you thought you had the power over the situation, you soon came to realize just how powerless you truly were over him and his addictions. You didn’t want to accept it, but he had already shut you out, silently moving on, drifting further and further away from you every night.
It wasn’t long before you saw his true colors emerge and his prince charming facade fade. He was a monster and even though you had every opportunity to leave, you still felt imprisoned by him. Your mind and heart were being held captive, but it wasn’t against your will. You were addicted to the illusion and the initial high you first felt when you met him. And even though everything inside you screamed “get clean. stay sober”, you still just couldn’t shake him. Fits of jealousy and rage turned into endless nights of arguments, physical and mental abuse, with nothing but busted holes left in walls to remind you of the night before. He was all consuming because he himself was consumed. The flames had claimed him long before you ever came around and no amount of help could prevent what he already was and what he would always be. You wanted to believe he was more than the remnants of his past and failures. You wanted to save him from everything that ever hurt him but it was you that needed the saving all along.
You didn’t realize that until it was too late. You went up in flames and burned entirely, baring the scars of that man and that relationship forever. No matter how far you run or how much time passes you by, you’ll never forget the one who changed you, the one who burned you, the one who stole your innocence and robbed you of the opportunity to ever love another in that same unguarded way again. But I know this secret..the burns that have killed others, have only made you a stronger you. I know this because I also bare the same scars. I know what it’s like to consume and be consumed. I don’t regret it or hide from my past or the pains it has caused me. I find power in my truth and I have found a voice in midst of the storm. You can also find that power within yourself to overcome the nightmares of your past. You may have burned for him but you don’t have to burn forever. I didn’t and I won’t. I’ve been burned since but never by that same flame. I’m still growing and learning from my mistakes and paving a new road for myself everyday. Where once I used to cover up and hide my scars, I now embrace them like the battle wounds of a soldier. My future is not limited or hindered because of my past and my ability to love has not been shaken. I know I’ll always be drawn to the flames that dance within the eyes of a pretty face but ultimately I need a strong man, brave enough to tame the fire in mine.
↗ ⚠ ↘ ↙ ⚠ ↖
Do you ever have those moments when a memory flashes thru your mind and you begin to miss someone from your past that you shouldn’t?
Your mind’s vision of them is so vivid and clear, that it becomes so easy to get caught up in the good parts of what that relationship was, while totally disregarding all the bad. I tend to sway back and forth between feelings of complete peace and overwhelming anxiety and regret for walking away from certain people. I’ve always owned up to the fact that I’ve “made my own bed” but some people forget that I’m the one lying in it every night. Walking away doesn’t always mean that all my decisions sit well with my soul, but seeing my growth after those losses has helped me find restful sleep. Some things aren’t meant to be. Some emotions are not meant to be dissected or erased. Sometimes all we really need to do to heal and move forward is to acknowledge all the emotions that come from loving and missing someone. There’s nothing wrong with revisiting the past, you just have to remind yourself that you can’t live there anymore. I have to constantly remind myself to not my push my luck and linger too long..
Loss and guilt are feelings I know all too well. I understand the struggle between loving a person for who they used to be, yet at the same time, coming to terms with the fact that they are a complete stranger to you today. It’s a very strange place to find yourself at times. I can hear a song, drive by a place or let my mind wander off and it genuinely surprises me how often my memories manage to find you. Even in the midst of all my chaos and confusion, the ghost of you still comes to me.
I can remember the way your eyes would stare attentively into mine whenever we spoke and the amusement I saw on your face whenever I’d playfully insult you. You showed me your secret place even when I refused to show you mine. You always knew better than to expect, and i think that freedom, is what I miss most.
Before when I’d remember, I would get angry and resentful towards you, but today I find peace within my thoughts. I’ve learned that it’s okay to miss and love people from a distance. It’s okay to remember and reminisce. Sometimes reminding yourself of who you believed them to be, even helps you to forgive yourself in the end too.. But If I had it my way..
“..I would sleep better ..if I had it my way..I would sleep better knowing you’re not okay..
If I had it my way.. you would still be here..”
(My sweet friend and local Arizona artist dropped this incredible single recently. She’s so talented and her lyrics are always relatable. This one went perfect with my mood tonight. Thanks Jazzy. )
In order to find balance in life it is important to have positive influences around you. Negativity, no matter who it comes from does not need to be accepted or tolerated. It took a long time for me to learn it, but I know now that I am a person of value who deserves to be respected in all circumstances, by all people. I’ve learned to stand up for myself and not put so much emphasis on the opinions of others. People are fickle and change all the time. You can’t please everyone so you have to learn what makes you happy and achieve that for yourself. I read a quote the other day that said, “People will have your name in everything but a prayer” and it’s so sad because it’s so true. Loving others is important but you have to remember to love yourself too.
The people that I seek out today and share my time with are those that bring me happiness, encouragement and peace. They were the ones to tell me that I was enough and thru unrelenting love and patience, got me to believe it too.
Truth is, anyone I’ve ever loved, I love still. I’ve just chosen to love them today from my lawn, where I’ve found the grass to be greener. #arianagrande #youdontknowme *
If you want
A perfect picture to believe in
Then you can’t be looking for me then
I don’t need to live by your rules
You don’t control me
Until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes
You don’t know me
And I know, I know, I know you don’t like it
You don’t, you don’t, you don’t know where I’ve been
It’s my life so truth be told (I see you thinking but there’s just one thing, dear
And you think you know but you don’t have no idea
Think you know me but there’s more to see my love)”
She’s one of the lucky ones. A few years back Miley Cyrus went thru a pretty horrible break up that eventually led to her very public breakdown. She lost the man she loved, her credibility and herself. But today it appears that she is sober, happy and finally loving herself. The same love that broke her, has now become the same love that has healed her.
I love complicated, messy, real love stories like these. Loving someone and committing to them forever is not for the weak of heart. And in my opinion, anyone willing to look like a complete idiot for the sake of love not only proves they’re ready for it, but it also shows how deserving they are of it.
Good for you, Miss Cyrus.
Good for you.
“..Cause you don’t even know what you just lost
You don’t even know what you just had
You don’t even know, and that’s what’s bad
Money bag long, that bitch bad
Used to lay up in them sheets, they were snow white
Now you spendin’ cold nights
You’ve been in the wrong so long
You don’t even know right..”