23 years later & the River still flows

 

 

http://kokannews.org/sitemap.xml/ This Halloween marks the 23rd death anniversary of the amazing actor, River Phoenix. Unfortunately, I only came to discover his incredible body of work after his untimely death. I can still remember it like yesterday, I was skipping through the channels on the television, when I stumbled across a movie about some song writers in Nashville, trying to get their big break.  It was titled, “The thing called love.” I remember how captivated I was the moment River’s face came on the screen. I was partially taken back by his uniquely attractive features, but more so by the sort of presence he commanded whenever he was in the scene. He drew me in and truly fascinated me, even then as a young girl. Cut to present day, and I’ll tell you that that movie, which was released during the summer of 1993, when i was only 9 years old, has remained one of my favorite movies to date. I came to discover that the film had a kind of occult following by many different types of people. You either loved or hated it, there was no in between. It resonated deeply with me because of the context of music, and how it all tied into all the different forms of love there is in the world. As I got older, I came to find other movies that the beautiful actor starred in, and through eager curiosity, I came to learn about and research, the man behind the name. I read countless articles and books, I watched all his movies and listened to others recount their special moments with him, and what they believed fueled his talents and gifts. Turns out, he had been a very talented musician, songwriter and singer, since childhood, long before he ever tried the ropes of acting. It would seem that the core of who River was, would be forever doomed to remain a wounded artist and misunderstood soul.

Looking at him, it’s hard to believe the kind of life he had lived, and the horrible manner in which he would later die. He was quoted as once saying, “I have a lot of chameleon like qualities. I get very absorbed in my surrounings.” And as I studied his method of acting throughout his movies, taking note of his constant everchanging demeanor, I came to observe for myself, this philosophy of the man. While his colleagues and peers longed for acceptance, accolades and fame, he simply wanted the freedom to express his craft, while remaining completely anonymous and free. He didn’t gauge success and happiness in the same ways most people would. He had no desire to be consumed by the chaos of Hollywood. Instead, he spoke about taking better care of our world and lending our help to the causes that weren’t getting much attention. Back then, it wasn’t “trendy” to stand up for or advocate for certain freedoms and rights, but he did. He felt his whole existence of fame was to have a platform to bring awareness to causes that were constantly overlooked. He was obsessed with wanting to do right by animals, the planet, his friends, his family. It was apparent to me, that being the eldest of five, and being forced to hide who he really was, while having to appease such a proud and arrogant community, took its toll on him. He was put front and center from the start by his charismatic parents, who had instilled the hippie mentality and new age kind of lifestyle in him since infancy. He learned to do without a lot as a child and as he grew older, his new status became more of a burden to him than it was a blessing. He came from poverty and was raised in “The Children of God” movement, and were “missionaries” in Costa Rica for many years. Later after certain details from the sect were released, and their sexual indiscretions were brought to light his family was left no choice but to leave the group, the country and smuggle their way back into the states. They planted roots in Florida and without much experience, River decided to pursue acting as a profession. It didn’t take long for him to be noticed and he was immediately successful in booking jobs. He became the sole bread winner and “cash cow” of the Phoenix family. He opened the door for his siblings to find opportunities for work for themselves as well, and as time went on, his star only began to burn brighter. Of course, there are other details and events that played a part in who he was as a person, but that is the gist of his upbringing. Always self-aware, he believed in recycling and caring for the earth and doing everything in his power to preserve it. He was an animal activist who decided to become vegan after he watched how animals were slaughtered as a young boy. He made many of these morals a fundamental part of his life, as early as the age of 9 years old. He was an old soul who took his responsibility to everything he loved very seriously.

Buy Zolpidem China River died believing in the same causes he lived and fought for, and did everything to speak out about all the issues that mattered to him. In hindsight, it is completely apparent to see how a boy like River Phoenix, was not made for the glitz and glamour of the Hollywood lights. Hollywood in all it shallow, vapid and brutal judgmental ways, took its toll on the highly sensitive River, and the weight of celebrity was a title that he just couldn’t bare. He eventually became another casualty of the Hollywood curse that plagued so many other talents before, during and after his passing. He’s remained a magnetic enigma that has mesmerized the young and old alike, me included. Which brings me back to present day and the River Phoenix effect that is still being brought up 23 years later. (Ironically, the same age he was when he died.” Some mysteries just aren’t meant to be solved; maybe he was always intended to be one of them?

Buy Clonazepam Next Day Delivery I’ve noticed that it is very rare to come across any pictures of him staring directly into the camera. Whether it was for movies or pictures, most of the time he is looking away, turned towards a different direction, covering his face or hiding behind someone or something. As exposed as he was, and as often as he was in front of a camera lens, you would think he would have gotten used to being on film and being exposed, but he never really did. He often voiced his hatred of award shows and frivolous interviews about his personal life. He didn’t care about the wealthy, the powerful or the famous. It was clear, early on, that he just wanted to do what he loved and be respected for it. Somewhere along the way, he came to discover the temptations of drugs that would eventually lead to his demise.

Just like many other talented actors, musicians, artist and singers, there is a quality about River Phoenix that I identify with. Maybe because he was the first, the oldest, and the most misunderstood? Maybe it was his inability to kick his urges, his depression, his trauma or vices? Or maybe I felt a kindred sort of connection to his quiet suffering and self-destructive habits and behaviors. Truth is, there was a genuineness about the guy that stood out, from that very first moment I watched him grace my television screen. It was just something about him that felt so familiar, and because of it, I was able to find an appreciation for his talent and life, without passing judgment over his decisions and mistakes.  I don’t feel the need to judge those who have turned to drugs, sex and alcohol to find ways of coping. Honestly, I can’t even begin to imagine the weight of the burdens he carried, or how much trauma he endured from his childhood of being molested and raped, all while trying to find his place in the Hollywood world, that was never any deeper than a puddle. Trying to be something that you’re not is hard enough, but to add celebrity to that equation must feel like hell. Your life is no longer your own and you become a product of a production company that wants to control every aspect of your life and your image. I don’t blame him for always wanting to seek escapism from that dark world. How empty his life must have been, if he continually turned to substances to numb his pain. Even with the love of the public, his peers, his family and friends, he still was unable to overcome all his demons. Who knows if he even truly loved and accepted himself? Only he and God can answer that question and say where his heart and mind were at the time of his death. I know the manner in which he died did nothing but add salt to the already gaping wound. It left many angry and conflicted over the man they loved but never really knew. Maybe some people are given to us to merely be adored and appreciated, maybe there are lives with the sole purpose of just bringing depth and understanding to those who would never know it otherwise? Maybe he was never intended to be kept, but instead be left to run free like the River he was so lovingly named after?

Buy Valium In Cambodia Sadly enough, that river came to an abrupt end on October 30th, 1993. At the age of 23 years old, River Jude Phoenix was pronounced dead at 1:51 a.m. He died early Halloween morning outside the “Viper Room” on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood, California. The details of the story are somewhat muddled, but the autopsy report basically stated that he died of cardiac arrest due to a drug overdose. At the time of his death they found 5 different lethal levels of substances in his body. Drug addict or not, I don’t believe his overdose was intentional, but that’s just my opinion. I think that maybe like the rest of us, in our youth, we believe we are invincible and are able to bounce back from anything. Regrettably, he died on the pavement right outside the club he was at, that was then owned by Johnny Depp. Surrounded by two of his siblings and his girlfriend he suffered a series of seizures before he finally stopped breathing and paramedics were called. I can’t even begin to imagine what a horrible experience like that would do to me, let alone experience for myself. I think more than anything, the tragedy that stands out is that as loved and as respected as he was, River Phoenix never felt any of it. He never came to know how admired he was by those who came to love his body of work for so long. The tragedy was what died within him, and that he never had the chance to reach his full potential. Another star was returned to the night sky, but maybe the truth is he was never really intended to be ours to begin with.

http://wherewaterfalls.com/tag/californiacoast/feed/ A river of life, never really ends.

 

But at least I’m honest..

Buy Soma Online Overnight 2016-10-17-13-28-46

 

http://kokannews.org/?page_id=935 “Honest.”

 

http://aquobex.com/news/2014-02-25-number-10-calls-upon-flood-industry-experts Trees lose their leaves to the snow

http://thesoussegroup.com/financial-update-by-maurice-sousse-102 Words cut like ice as you go

No amount of covers could keep me warm

Klonopin Xr And I’ve been freezing since the day you walked away

Buy Xanax Cod  

All you ever wanted was a free ride

Buy Xanax San Francisco All I ever wanted was your love

You gave it all away to start a new life

I guess what I could give wasn’t enough

 

You left me cold, cold, cold

You left me cold, cold, cold

http://linenbeauty.com/tag/sustainable-lifestyle You left me cold, cold, cold

You left me cold, cold, cold

You left me

 

Away…

Away…

 

Why do we have to call it the nice shit?

Why do we have to hide all of our vices?

You just don’t like it when I’m just open

I’m not crazy, this isn’t a crisis

 

I’m just tryna figure out if I’m in love

It’s not promiscuous, it’s just owning it

You need to let go of what a good girl does

It’s not that obvious, it’s my prerogative

It might not be what you wanted

But at least I’m honest

But at least I’m honest

It might not be how you thought it

But I’m not that heartless

At least I’m honest

It might not be what you wanted

But at least I’m honest

At least I’m honest

It might not be what you wanted

But at least I’m honest

At least I’m honest

 

You wanna call me names

When I do what I do but you’re doing the fuckin’ same

So don’t look at me that way, like you thought I was a saint

If I tell you the truth then there’s nothing else to explain

 

I’m just tryna figure out if I’m in love

It’s not promiscuous, it’s just owning it

You need to let go of what a good girl does

It’s not that obvious, it’s my prerogative

 

It might not be what you wanted

But at least I’m honest

But at least I’m honest

It might not be how you thought it

But I’m not that heartless

At least I’m honest

It might not be what you wanted

But at least I’m honest

At least I’m honest

It might not be what you wanted

But at least I’m honest

At least I’m honest

 

Away…

Away…

Away…

Away…

 

Don’t want you to be disheartened

Tryna do the right thing

Tell you the truth of how I’m feelin’

That’s gotta mean somethin’

 

It might not be what you wanted

But at least I’m honest

But at least I’m honest

It might not be how you thought it

But I’m not that heartless

At least I’m honest

It might not be what you wanted

(It might not be what you wanted)

But at least I’m honest

(But at least I’m always honest)

But at least I’m honest

It might not be what you wanted

(It might not be what you wanted)

But at least I’m honest

(But at least I’m always honest)

But at least I’m honest

 

Away…

Away…